In The Way

Nearly four years ago, I sat down with the three ladies I was living with and we wrote out life predictions for ten years in the future. It included career goals and location, and being the virginal and innocent darlings we were, it included romance. (I do believe that of the four, just one of us is on track to fulfill that particular prediction anytime soon...)

That same semester I created my ten step career plan. It was heavily influenced by my current obsession with educational policy and the fact that I had just watched all seven seasons of The West Wing in an impossibly short amount of time. Colored by idealism and blinded by my own ambition, I designed my life on a sheet of paper. That works, right? I'm a planner.

Part of me cannot believe that moment came nearly four years ago, and part of me cannot believe that I was so naive even then. To have the arrogance to think that I could plan out even the next year, let alone lifetime, was preposterous. Things got in the way. Student teaching for a full year in Chicago got in the way. Falling in love with Hyde Park got in the way. Discovering the discouragement that exists in political policy got in the way. Moving to Romania got in the way. Breaking my ankle got in the way. Funding cuts got in the way. Men and friendships and family got in the way. And I'm incredibly grateful.

The lighted path behind me is scarred with my failings and stumbles along the way, and there are hazy paths diverging from the one I'm on. Staying in Anderson to student teach. Living elsewhere in the city. Avoiding Romania altogether. Choosing to ride a bike on that fateful morning in the city. Getting that position in Connecticut. Staying with the agency through the budget cuts. Not getting into that grad program.

I'm not sure what's ahead, but I've been struck lately by the amazing opportunities that remain forgotten dreams. Will I keep this in mind as I plan for the future? Probably not.

Dreamin'

I've been attending a lot of events on the UChicago campus recently. My email explodes daily with the list serve announcements that I'm signed up for, and I am certainly reaping the benefits of others' (overpriced?) education. I'm going full-scale nerd at it.

Last night I attended the first in a three-part lecture series by a visiting scholar (Elizabeth Borgwardt), titled "Transformation of the Modern International Human Rights Regime." The lecture was less depressing than I had anticipated, and focused primarily on the Atlantic Charter. This document was the result of a weekend conference held off the coast of Newfoundland between Great Britain and the United States. It was July of 1941, and this date is striking for one reason. The Atlantic Charter was a declaration of wartime and peacetime aims and goals... and the United States had not yet entered the war. Churchill left his battle weary nation to attend the conference, and what resulted was what is perhaps the first declaration of human rights that transcends the status of sovereign nations to include ALL INDIVIDUALS EVERYWHERE. FDR had already proclaimed some of this in his State of the Union Speech in January (a speech known as the Four Freedoms Speech), in which he articulated four freedoms that he believed were entitled to all people in the world: the freedom of speech and expression, the freedom of worship, the freedom from want, and the freedom from fear. Interesting from a president who would keep his country out of the war for another 11 months, but eh.

Churchill had a rather different interpretation of the charter, perhaps because of the rampant hypocrisy that Great Britain was demonstrating with its continued colonization of India... he thought the charter applied primarily to the countries in Europe engaged in the war, and the European governments in exile at the time. Regardless, this moment in history was the first multilateral statement of human rights ever issued in the world. It advocated for traditional political rights, included a broader reference to the Four Freedoms (including economic justice), mentioned INDIVIDUAL human rights, and sought recognition both domestically and internationally. It was apparently kind of a big deal...

Next up? "Challenges in Combating Torture" with Juan E. Mendez. Check out this guy's credentials, and tell me you DON'T want to be a nerd too.

Juan E. Méndez is the UN Special Rapporteur on Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman and Degrading Treatment or Punishment and the author – with Marjorie Wentworth – of "Taking a Stand: The Evolution of Human Rights" (New York: Palgrave-MacMillan, October 2011). Until May 2009 he was the President of the International Center for Transitional Justice (ICTJ). Concurrently, he was Kofi Annan’s Special Advisor on the Prevention of Genocide (2004 to 2007). Between 2000 and 2003 he was a member of the Inter-American Commission on Human Rights of the Organization of American States, and its President in 2002. He teaches human rights at American University in Washington and at Oxford University (UK). In the past he has taught also at Notre Dame Law School (USA), Georgetown and Johns Hopkins. He worked for Human Rights Watch (1982-1996) and directed the Inter-American Institute on Human Rights in San Jose, Costa Rica (1996-1999). As a labor and human rights lawyer in Argentina, Méndez was himself imprisoned and tortured during Argentina’s “Dirty War.”

Homo Shit

Last week, I had a discussion with a group of students that became a bit of an ongoing conversation. It all started when one student named D~ used the term "faggot."

"No way, never ever do you say that word around me. Ever."
"Why?"
"Because it's incredibly offensive."
"It is??"
"Yeah, it's pretty awful..."
"I just don't get it. Why would a dude want to be with another dude?"
"Well, why do you want to be with a woman?"
*Class begins to tune in to discussion*
"Miss, you really want me to answer that?"
"Well no, but you know what I'm saying, right? It's just natural for you."
"Yeah. Plus, they soft!"
*Rest of the class tunes in*
"Okay, so it's natural for you to be attracted to women. Gay people feel the same way. It's just the way they are."
"But... it's wrong!"
"Why is it wrong?"
"Well... cause... two dudes can't have a baby."
"Oh, okay. That's a legitimate point. You're right. Have you had a baby?"
*Note: big risk... he very well could have been a father...*
"No way! I know how to wrap it up."
"Okay, but... you've had sex?"
"MISS!" (Indicating something along the lines of "Bitch, you trippin' if you think I've not tapped ALL the ladies..." or something to that effect)
"OH... so you've had sex with a man then?"
*Class explodes*
"Right, so we've established that sex is for more than just creating babies."

I left the classroom hoping this strapping young man (at least 6'4 tall) would not knife me at some point*. Over the next two days, the 16 students who were involved in this discussion managed to circulate the story to kids all over the school. "Yo Miss, did you really say that to D~?" "I heard you got a mouth!" "Some people thought you was too white to work here." "You know, Miss S, you a little ghetto."

Later in the week, D~ put his arm around me in the hallway. As I peered up at him in slight fear and fake confidence, he smiled down at me. "Yo Miss, you TWEAKIN' with that homo shit."

I bent over laughing as he walked away with a huge smile on his face. I'm tweakin', y'all.

*Note: I'm not actually afraid of this student at all. All of my students are wonderful, non-violent kids. Not once have I feared for my own safety in this environment... in fact, they are pretty fantastic.

Corrupted

I spent some time as a substitute teacher during 5th period today, and the students weren't exactly focused on the academic task in front of them.

We got into conversations about homosexuality, what the male responsibility is after you take a woman's virginity, the absurdity of women giving "power" to men in the emotional aftermath of a hookup, Treyvon Martin, the use of condoms, and all sorts of other things that could probably get me fired in a traditional school.

On my way out the door: "Yo miss? Sorry we corrupted you."

Doc Films

A recently made but good friend of mine introduced me to Doc Films, a student film society on the UChicago campus. The theater itself is quite nice, and movies screen there every night of the week for just five dollars. They change the "themes" of the movies screened on different nights of the week each quarter, and the new season starts tomorrow.

You can also buy a pass for $30, which I will undoubtedly be doing this quarter. See the TWENTY FOUR movies I'd like to see below.

March 27- Solaris (Andrei Tarkovsky 1972)
March 28- Monty Python and the Holy Grail (Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones, 1974)
March 30- Reservoir Dogs (Quentin Tarantino, 1992)
April 11- Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (Terry Jones, 1983)
April 14- Martha Marcy May Marlene (Sean Derkin, 2011)
April 18- Time Bandits (Terry Gilliam, 1981)
April 21- We Need To Talk About Kevin (Lynne Ramsay, 2011)
April 22- Dames (Ray Enright and Busby Berkeley, 1934)
April 24- The Sacrifice (Andrei Tarkovsky, 1986)
April 25- Brazil (Terry Gilliam, 1985)
April 28- A Dangerous Method (David Cronenberg, 2011)
April 29- Meet Me In St. Louis (Vincente Minnelli, 1944)
May 1- Badlands (Terrence Malick, 1973)
May 2- A Fish Called Wanda (Charles Crichton and John Cleese, 1988)
May 5- The Artist (Michel Hazanavicius, 2011)
May 8- Days of Heaven (Terrence Malick, 1978)
May 12- Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (Tomas Alfredson, 2011)
May 15- The Thin Red Line (Terrence Malick, 1998)
May 19- The Kid With a Bike (Jean-Pierre and Luc Dardenne, 2011)
May 22- The New World (Terrence Malick, 2005)
May 23- Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (Terry Gilliam, 1998)
May 29- The Tree of Life (Terrence Malick, 2011)
June 1- Inglorious Bastards (Quentin Tarantino, 2009)
June 2- A Separation (Asghar Farhadi, 2011)

I'm pretty excited.

I've Missed You

It is odd how quickly I can become obsessed with something new. I do believe that I have two key features in my personality: obsession and overreaction. I can address overreaction at some other point in time, but suffice it to say that watching an action movie with me might not be your "cup of tea," as it were.

Obsession, though... this is something I've carried in my heart throughout my life. I have the ability to move quickly from subject to subject, and yet still register meaning and value in each area I touch. It is not as if I am glancing over things; rather I pour into them with my entire mind and heart and soul. Sometimes I stay focused, but most of the time these obsessions are quick and powerful explosions that burn bright and then dull. Occasionally I rediscover a passion and light it up again, as has happened with (various men), academic subjects, politics, television shows, and so on.

Recently, my life has been dominated by flame-out kind of obsessions. Last week it was the television show "Firefly." The show "Game of Thrones" is in my head now, though I am limiting myself somewhat. I read about two hundred pages of a book without realizing it just the other day. Regardless of all of this, I know that there will be a time, probably in the near future, when I will fall out of the television mode. I will not be in the mood for reading, and will quickly move on to another obsession. These things come and go.

Things in my life that I remain intensely focused on: family, friends, and (career) field. That's about it. I'm hoping to add one more "f" to this list.

I've recently started working out again in a regular and routine and real fashion. And it is an easy obsession to return to. This high hasn't gone away and I'm excited once more about the potential. If I can add fitness to my list before graduate school starts this summer... life might just work out to be alright.

Brought to you by alliteration. Just because, really.

Extroversion

I've written multiple times about the MBTI and the spot-on interpretation it has on my personality. In a recent conversation with a dear friend, I realized how sensitive some of these indicators are.

I am an ENFJ, and this personality type fits me perfectly. Each time I take the test, I fall relatively gently on the side of an extrovert. I need personal time, especially after big social events. Parties where I don't know people stress me out. I don't typically enjoy situations in which I am surrounded by strangers... last weekend's St. Patrick's Day festivities downtown are a case in point. However, I am a social creature. I could absolutely spend time with someone every night for the rest of my life... which leads me to believe that I need to be in a relationship soonish.

In reality though, I am at my best when I'm interactive in an intimate relationship with someone. Not necessarily a romantic relationship, just one where I'm known well, and I understand the other person at a deep level.

What does this all mean? No more living alone, stupid girl.