The Masochism of Optimism

Masochism: "The enjoyment of what appears to be painful or tiresome"

Optimism: "Hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something"

Every once in a while, I'm struck by the inherent self-harming tendencies that accompany my optimism. I am often imbued with the "hopefulness and confidence" about my own personal future in matters of love, career, finances, social pursuits- everything really. I have developed an incredible ability to jump from "high point" to "high point" without truly experiencing the valleys in between. It works quite well.

Until the weight of all of those valleys builds up enough. I crash land about halfway up the next mountain, and skid to the bottom bruised and broken. Then it hurts.

And in consideration of the recent optimism that has me still hoping, still fighting, still wishing... I've come to realize something about myself.

I must be a masochist. Because no matter how long it takes to recover, to climb back up and regain strength, I will start jumping again.