Weakness

I woke up at five o'clock this morning and literally stumbled to the bathroom, all set on running. The stumbling part made me think twice. After that dumb (read: intense) workout last night with that fun ball of death, there was no way I was going to be able to run for 25 minutes this morning. This fact was confirmed when I attempted to walk down two flights of stairs about two hours later. In my head I was a foal about to take it's first wobbly steps, with that moment of purity and innocence that has me now searching for videos online documenting such occurrences. Be right back.

So now there are tears streaming down my cheeks and a loopy grin on my face. Anyway. In reality, I probably just looked like an incredibly out of shape woman who doesn't know how to walk correctly. Stupid squats and lunges, burning my thighs with the intensity of a thousand suns. I know you probably can't believe it... but I survived.

This evening I got on the treadmill with relatively minor discomfort; it would appear that stairs are really my only challenge. This run (number TEN!) wasn't FUN per se, but the feeling after it was fantastic. I ran through the pain, I am awesome, I am woman! It pleased me that skinny runner girl and her super fit boyfriend came into the gym at the end of my run. One, they entered when I was running for the last time before a cool down walk. Two, they didn't see me start sweating at minute six and a half, so perhaps they thought my labored breathing was justifiable. Because this fat chick just ran 6 miles or something, right? Yeah... delusions.

In other news concerning the amount of judgement I perceive from those around me, I designated my life insurance beneficiaries today. It's a free perk that comes with working with some of the most hellish fifth grade boys you could ever hope to meet, so I signed right up. I was talking with my mom this evening about it, and she was slightly offended to learn that I split the policy equally between my brothers. (Though I thought about holding a contest or something to see who could earn a 70 percent share...) We talked about how they would give her enough to have me cremated if I died an early death, and she thought they would probably keep all the money and give my body to science. Out of my mouth popped the following: "They can do that, but only if I'm skinny. I don't want those med students to judge me."

Let's file that one under "CRAZY" and keep up with this working out and eating right thing.